An Avoidant Person and Anxious Ones if They Involve in Relationship, Would be Like This.

I have experienced talk with, build a connection or even friendship with some people who has attachment as an Avoidant. As an anxious, this is could be challenging, new threats and might be creates a toxic environment. It becomes a biggest new threat for them as an avoidant too. They think of us, really didn’t appreciate their space or too closest, too harass until forcing some connections. But in fact, anxious really needs connect with their emotions, their feelings and heart to heart.

Anxious, didn’t really scared to express themselves refers for their feelings, emotions, love, sadness or even anger. While, all avoidant lock of all access to talk about feelings related. Unfortunately, in Indonesia, every men who has avoidant attachment considering us as an uninteresting woman, cheap, looks like a bitch who can really accessible, and didn’t have a value. But in fact, they can’t connect into our heart, which is relationship built with two way communication, getting vulnerable each other, and all of positive ways can leads into secure attachment. The portion of love between anxious and avoidant it’s really different.

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From Avoidant Side:

Avoidant attachment is one of the attachment styles described in attachment theory, which explores the way individuals form emotional bonds and relationships. People with an avoidant attachment style tend to value independence and self-sufficiency, often to the extent of distancing themselves from others emotionally. In relationships, they may appear distant, reluctant to rely on others, or avoid emotional closeness.

Why do people develop an avoidant attachment style?

Avoidant attachment often develops in childhood, typically due to experiences with caregivers who were emotionally unavailable, unresponsive, or rejecting. When a child’s emotional needs were not consistently met, they may have learned to suppress their emotions and avoid depending on others. Over time, this behavior can become ingrained, leading to a tendency to detach or withdraw in adult relationships.

Some of the reasons people might develop avoidant attachment include:

• Emotional neglect or rejection: If a caregiver wasn’t responsive to emotional needs, the child may learn to suppress those needs to avoid disappointment or rejection.
• Inconsistent caregiving: When a caregiver is sometimes nurturing but other times emotionally distant or unpredictable, the child may become confused and develop strategies to avoid attachment as a protective measure.
• Overemphasis on independence: In some cases, caregivers may encourage the child to be overly self-reliant, leading them to avoid close emotional bonds as they grow older.

How do people with avoidant attachment behave in relationships?

Adults with an avoidant attachment style might:

• Struggle with intimacy and avoid deep emotional connections. They didn’t really likes to deep talk or something heart to heart connection.
• Keep relationships at arm’s length, often fearing that dependence on others will lead to vulnerability or disappointment. Because their past with ex or parenting styles. They afraid for open up, because in the past they have been reject by someone or hurting by someone they love.
• Feel uncomfortable when others try to get too close or rely on them for emotional support.
• Minimize or suppress their own emotions and may struggle to communicate their needs clearly.
• Value independence over closeness, sometimes prioritizing personal space and autonomy above relational needs.

How can people with avoidant attachment work on improving their relationships?

If someone with avoidant attachment wants to develop healthier relationships, there are several strategies they can consider:

Self-awareness: Recognizing that their avoidant behavior comes from past experiences can be a first step in breaking the cycle. Understanding the roots of their attachment style can help them better navigate relationships.

Developing emotional literacy: Avoidant individuals may have difficulty identifying or expressing their emotions. Practicing self-reflection and learning to express feelings openly can help build stronger emotional connections.

Gradual vulnerability: Avoidants can practice opening up little by little. They don’t need to dive into deep emotional territory right away but can start with small steps, like sharing their thoughts and feelings in low-stakes situations.

Building trust: Avoidant individuals might have difficulty trusting others. It’s important to take time in relationships to build trust by showing reliability, consistency, and patience.

Therapy: Working with a therapist (particularly one experienced in attachment theory) can help someone with avoidant attachment style understand the roots of their behavior and develop healthier relational patterns.

Mindfulness and relaxation: Learning to regulate stress and anxiety, especially in emotionally charged situations, can help avoidant individuals feel less threatened by intimacy.

Communicating needs clearly: Learning how to express needs and desires in a direct, non-confrontational way is crucial. This can help both partners understand each other and prevent misunderstandings.

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And, how an anxious dealing with their partner (avoidant), and how avoidant dealing with an (anxious) partner?

When someone with an anxious attachment style is in a romantic relationship with someone with an avoidant attachment style, it can create a dynamic that is often described as a “push-pull” pattern. This is because the anxious individual tends to crave closeness, reassurance, and emotional connection, while the avoidant person tends to push you away while you are as an anxious need an emotional connection, talks, meeting in-person or even affection. Avoidant does the value independence, and avoid emotional intimacy.

The Dynamics Between Anxious and Avoidant Attachment Styles

Anxious individuals often fear abandonment and may be preoccupied with their partner’s feelings and the relationship’s stability. They might seek constant reassurance and closeness, interpreting any perceived emotional distance as a sign of rejection.

Avoidant individuals, on the other hand, tend to value their independence and feel uncomfortable with too much emotional intimacy. They may withdraw when their partner gets too close, both physically and emotionally.

How Does an Anxious Person Experience the Relationship with an Avoidant?

• Feelings of insecurity: The anxious person might feel like their emotional needs aren’t being met, leading to feelings of abandonment or neglect when the avoidant partner pulls away. They may feel that they are doing something wrong or that their partner is uninterested or doesn’t care.
• Clinginess and neediness: The anxious person might become more needy, calling, texting, or seeking validation more frequently when they feel their partner pulling away. This can increase stress and anxiety in the relationship.
• Overanalyzing behaviors: The anxious individual may spend a lot of time analyzing the avoidant partner’s actions, looking for signs of rejection, and feeling anxious about what the avoidant partner might be thinking or feeling. This can lead to misunderstandings or miscommunications.
• Feeling unworthy or unimportant: Over time, the anxious person might start to internalize their partner’s emotional distance, feeling like they are not good enough or not worthy of love.

How Does an Avoidant Person Experience the Relationship with an Anxious Person?

• Feeling overwhelmed: The avoidant partner might feel smothered or overwhelmed by the anxious partner’s need for constant reassurance or closeness. Their desire for space and independence can conflict with the anxious person’s desire for connection, which can lead to emotional withdrawal.
• Emotional shutdown: When faced with the anxious person’s emotional intensity, the avoidant may retreat or shut down emotionally to regain a sense of control or independence. This can escalate the anxious person’s fear of abandonment, creating a cycle of emotional distance and pursuit.
• Difficulty communicating: Avoidants often find it difficult to communicate their feelings or needs clearly, particularly in emotional situations. This can frustrate the anxious partner, who may feel ignored or unimportant.

What Can Anxious Individuals Do to Deal with Avoidant Partners?

Understand the patterns: Recognizing the dynamics between anxious and avoidant attachment styles can help the anxious partner gain perspective. Knowing that their partner’s withdrawal isn’t necessarily a reflection of their worth can help reduce anxiety and the fear of rejection.

Practice self-soothing: Instead of seeking constant reassurance from the avoidant partner, anxious individuals can work on managing their anxiety independently. This could include practicing relaxation techniques, mindfulness, or focusing on self-care to feel more grounded in the relationship.

Respect boundaries: Anxious individuals often have a tendency to push for closeness, but recognizing and respecting the avoidant partner’s need for space can help avoid triggering withdrawal. It’s important to find a balance between closeness and space.

Open communication: While avoidants may find it challenging to express their feelings, it’s important for the anxious individual to communicate their needs calmly and without demanding immediate responses. Open, non-confrontational communication can help bridge the gap between the two attachment styles.

Work on self-esteem: Anxious individuals can benefit from building their self-esteem and recognizing that their partner’s need for space isn’t a reflection of their own worth. Strengthening self-confidence can help reduce the intensity of their fears in relationships.

Create space for both partners’ needs: Instead of getting stuck in the cycle of pursuit and withdrawal, it’s important to find a healthy way to address both partners’ needs for connection and independence. Anxious individuals can work on setting healthy emotional boundaries while allowing the avoidant partner to have their space without feeling abandoned.

What Can Avoidant Individuals Do to Help the Relationship?

Recognize the impact of emotional withdrawal: Avoidants can benefit from understanding that their withdrawal can create anxiety in their partner and deepen the emotional distance. Making small efforts to stay engaged and communicate, even briefly, can help maintain connection.

Work on emotional openness: While it can be uncomfortable, avoidants should try to share their feelings and needs more openly. Even if it’s hard, this helps the anxious partner feel seen and understood, reducing their fears of abandonment.

Provide reassurance: Avoidants can offer occasional reassurance to their anxious partner without feeling like their independence is being compromised. Acknowledging feelings and giving simple, sincere affirmations can go a long way.

Final Thoughts

The anxious-avoidant dynamic can be challenging but also offers an opportunity for growth in relationships. Both partners have different emotional needs and coping mechanisms, but with mutual understanding, patience, and open communication, they can work through these differences.

Imo, from anxious should be try to change as the process into a secure ones and avoidant does the same. Anxious try to trust their partner, try to communicate in clear way what the things you need in relationship and you wont.

While an avoidant try to express the feelings and explore a deep connection, since the avoidant is the person with the lack of intimacy.

[NV]